


Amantes Sunt Amentes

by ronanlynx



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Gangsey, M/M, Pynch Week, adam has so many feelings, bronan will rise (platonic of course), i dont even think gansey is even in these but they talk about him a lot so that counts, ronan is emo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-07 18:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11629047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ronanlynx/pseuds/ronanlynx
Summary: Four times Adam and Ronan want to say "I love you" and the one time they actually do





	1. The One Where Adam Runs Out of Gas

Adam was out of gas.

Like really, really out of gas. His fuel light had lit up three days ago and it was a miracle that the Hondoyota was still functioning. He was literally running on fumes.

This has happened before, and he knew it was bound to happen again, but the way his wallet lay flat in his back pocket, reminding him of how he doesn’t have twenty dollars to fill up, only increased the panic starting to set in.

With a sigh, he turned into the nearest station and parked by the pump. He sat there for a long time, his car off and the Henrietta heat slowly seeping in. He remembered, humiliatingly, how he had to dig for loose change in his seats the last time this happened. Adam knew there is only about twenty cents, at most, laying around this time. The familiar heat of anger simmered in his chest and he punched the steering wheel, horn blaring, and yelled, “ _Fucking_ -”

Sometimes Adam felt ashamed at the way he lashed out, how he had no control over the way frustration and jealousy and anger clouded his thoughts until he couldn’t think straight.

Sometimes, however, Adam revelled in it. He liked the way his knuckles ached after punching a wall and the way his throat scratched when he yelled. But this was a secret, pocketed part of himself that he had never shown to anyone.

He sat there for a while and didn’t really know what to do, considering he was in the middle of goddamn nowhere and he doesn’t have a phone.

Reluctantly, he stepped out of the car and headed inside. The air conditioning blew his hair back as he entered and the old man working the counter piped up when the bell jingled, alerting him of Adam’s entry.

“Um, excuse me sir,” He dragged out his accent when he spoke, knowing (or at least hoping) the effect it would have. “You wouldn't happen to have a phone I could use, would you?”

The man smiled and reached into his pocket, retrieving his cell phone and passing it to Adam. “The password is 4621. You lost?”

Adam shook his head while typing in the numbers. “Nah, I ran out of gas and left my wallet.” The lie comes easy. Deciding who to call however, was not.

He wanted to call Blue. She would understand. She’d pick him up and he’d pay her back later. The only problem was that Blue doesn’t have a car- or a license- or a phone for that matter.

Gansey was not even a question. He’d give him that stupid look Adam hates and offer to give him a gas card linked to his bank account. Adam wanted to scream just thinking about it.

Adam started dialing the number before he even realized he has made a decision. He stepped outside while it was ringing.

“Hello?” His voice was sluggish but Adam knew he wasn’t asleep.

“Ronan?”

“It’s 2 in the fucking morning, Parish. What the fuck?”

Swallowing his pride and the lump in his throat, Adam answered. “I’m out of gas. Can you come pick me up?”

Ronan sighed and Adam could hear the thump of his boots walking around Monmouth. “Where are you?”

“The gas station near Boyd’s.”  

“Sheetz or Kangaroo?”

“Kangaroo.”

“Give me 10 minutes.”

* * *

Adam heard the BMW before he saw it. He looked up from his spot on the ground as Ronan parked beside his car. His movements seemed angry as he swiped his card and pumped Adam's gas. To be fair, Ronan looked angry when he did almost everything, but that didn’t make the embarrassment Adam felt any less horrible.

When Ronan was finished, he sat down next to Adam on the ground, not saying anything for a long time. Adam was grateful until the silence became too overwhelming.

“Please don’t tell Gansey.” He whispered, voice full of shame and his leg jiggling. His shoe made a scraping noise on the concrete that sent chills up Ronan’s arms.

“Why the fuck would I tell him?” Ronan snapped, turning towards him. His eyes were wild and insistent like always, making Adam want to look away and stare forever. Adam was always so conflicted when it came to Ronan. He never knew how to feel, where to look, what to say.

“I don’t know.” He mumbled. “I just-”

“This isn’t a handout, by the way. I better be paid back by next week.” Ronan tried to hide his small smirk and bumped his knee into Adam’s. It was exactly what Adam needed to hear and the pressure in his chest subsided almost immediately.

Ronan’s eyes dropped down to Adam’s hands where they were folded in his lap. There was a feeling of warmth running through his body and he wondered if Ronan felt it too. “Adam.” Ronan breathed.

“Yeah?”

“You know this happens to everyone, right?  Like... normal people can’t afford gas sometimes. Just because you go to school with rich jerk-offs doesn’t mean the whole world is filled with them.” It sounded like something Blue would say. She’d probably tell him to “check his privilege” and realize that he was able to walk into a gas station at two in the morning and not have to worry about being assaulted. Ronan and Blue are so similar sometimes it makes Adam wonder how they aren’t joined at the hip by now.

“I need to get home.” Adam said, cheeks turning pink. “I have homework to do.”

“It’s 2 am.” Ronan tightened his jaw, making the structure of his face seem like something out of a dream.

“I know. I still have homework.”

“Okay.” Ronan doesn’t stand. He keeps sitting there like there is more he wants to say. “I’m glad you called me and not Dick.”

Adam smiled, a flash of teeth in the dark. “Me too.”

“You wanna drive somewhere?” He asked, swinging his keys in his hands as he finally made a move to stand.

Adam did the same. “Sure.”

Ronan stared at him and Adam felt like he was going to melt. He loved Ronan like this. His eyes hungry, drinking in every part of Adam, demanding his attention, needing to be seen. He was a work of art.

Adam had homework but he didn’t care. The only thing he could think about is Ronan; how he came for him without a second thought, how he really is the only person who understands him, the way his eyes fall on him- like Adam is the only thing worth looking at. A swell in his chest surfaces along with a three letter sentence and Adam pushes it down so quickly he almost forgot it was even there.

“Let’s go then, Parrish.


	2. The One Where Adam Goes Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam moves out of the trailer. Ronan goes with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i know, techniqally speaking, that this would have happened around the time of the raven boys and at that time Blue and Adam were dating. But i really love the idea of Ronan being with Adam when he finally faces his parents and moves out so i'm willing to ignore it

There was not a way to describe the feeling Adam got when he stepped back into his old home. Dread, for one. Maybe a little bit of nostalgia. The two did not mix well. 

And the word “home” was not the right word, however. And neither was “house”. It was a trailer in the ugliest part of Henrietta, far away from Richard Gansey’s green mountains and Ronan Lynch’s enchanted forest. This was a place where dreams came to die. Where pit bulls stayed chained to fences for weeks at a time, cigarette butts and bud light cans littered the earth, where confederate flags flew proud and free. Once Adam had described it as a place meant for leaving. Now it was a place to never return to. 

His dad was not there and he would probably never be back, unless he won the trial. Robert Parrish didn’t make bail. 

His mother was, though. She watched as Adam ducked into the front door, Ronan trailing his heels. She didn’t really look at him. The phrase “looking through him” was a better fit and Adam was all too familiar with her glassy eyes and frown lines. She never  _ saw _ her son. Not really.

“I’m here for my stuff.” Ronan felt a surge in his chest at Adam’s voice. He contemplated resting his hand on his boyfriend’s back but decided against it. 

She remained silent. 

Adam bit his lip and nodded. He  _ knew _ that his mother was not going to speak to him. He knew that she  _ hated _ him, but for once in his life he just wanted an “I’m so sorry, Adam,” “I love you, Adam,” “I should have left him a long time ago, Adam.”

Adam shook the thought away and glanced back at Ronan, who carried a box in one arm and chainsaw in the other. A calming feeling hit Adam just then. He could do this. 

_ He could do this _ . 

“Room’s back here.” He said lowly. 

“Back here” referred to the four short steps it took to get from the front door to the back of the double-wide. Ronan’s childhood bedroom at the barns was so much bigger than this it made him nauseous. 

Adam’s room wasn’t much, a twin bed and some cheap furniture they had found in a yard sale when he was little. Ronan wondered if Adam’s feet hung off the bed when he slept. The thought made his stomach churn. 

“Stop lookin’ at me like that.” Adam whispered, glaring at him.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re calculating how I managed to sleep in this tiny ass room. It’s small, we’re poor, I know this. If I wanted to be pitied I would have brought Gansey.” 

Ronan did his one of his signature smiles, the one where only the corners of his mouth tilted up- the one he saved just for Adam. And then he started packing. 

Adam did too, starting with the sheets on his bed, tugging the corners a little to hastily. He panicked for a split second when he didn’t see the cereal box under his bed but then came to his senses. He had taken the money to Monmouth last week. 

He then moved to the clothes in the small closet in the corner of the room. He hated his wardrobe. He hated that all of his jeans had holes and his shoes we too scuffed up to be considered fashionable and his t-shirts all had oil stains from working at Boyd’s and he hated being poor he hated being deaf in one ear he hated this stupid trailer he hated the smell of cigarettes the second you stepped inside he hated it he hated it  _ he hated it _ .

“Adam.” The gentle touch to the back of his neck surprised him. He didn't realize he had been breathing so hard. Ronan moved so he was in his boyfriend’s line of sight. “Hey.”

There was a moment when Adam stopped breathing. And then Ronan gave him that look. The one that said more than any words possibly could. 

Adam started crying. 

Ronan was kind of expecting it, but it was still a shock to see. The way the freckled boy’s eyes closed and mouth twisted and the shaking of his chest made something in Ronan  _ ache _ . Adam didn’t cry. Adam threw things and punched pillows and yelled until his voice ached. He was not supposed to cry.

Both on their knees, Ronan pulled Adam closer by the back of his neck. Adam let him, curling into Ronan as he gritted out sobs, body convulsing. Ronan curled his fingers in Adam’s hair, partly to tell him that this was okay and partly to stop himself from punching a hole in the wall. He should have killed Robert Parrish that day, the motherfucking bastard. 

“Adam,” He tried again. 

Adam took a shaky breath and pressed his mouth against Ronan’s neck.. “Ronan I- I can’t do this.”

Ronan frowned, a coldness creeping in his bones, making his chest ache. “Shut up, you’re Adam fucking Parrish. Hey, look at me.” He said when Adam’s eyes trailed to Ronan’s collarbone, avoiding his intense stare. 

He did. Adam’s eyes were bright blue after crying, the redness in his cheeks was prominent. He was so beautiful, Ronan thought.“One day you’re going to be a senator or a lawyer or some shit and look back at this place and realize that you are so much more.”

“Ronan-” Adam tried, his name a prayer. His fingers curled into the hem of Ronan’s shirt. Ronan wanted to punch something.

“Listen to me.” He said, touching their foreheads together. “You deserve better than this place, Adam. You always have. You’re smart and kind and you are the best person I’ve ever known.” 

Adam kissed him, hard. Ronan was keenly aware of how Adam’s grip on shoulders was desperate and wanting.  His feelings for Adam had never been this intense. It was all-encompassing and demanding to be felt, to be seen, to be heard. 

“I need to get out of here.” He said after a while, whispering the words on Ronan’s wet mouth. 

Ronan simply nodded, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand a little. “You have everything? You can’t make a dramatic exit and then come back because you forgot something. It ruins it.”

“Asshole.” Adam shoved him but a light laugh escaped him, betraying his sentiment. 

Ronan stood, pulling Adam up with him. They stared at eachother for a long moment, Adam wondering what he did to deserve the boy in front of him.

They collected the rest of Adam’s things, which wasn’t much, and took a step towards the bedroom door. Adam paused, “Wait.”

Ronan waited.

“What am I-” He sputtered, “I need to say something to my mom.”

Ronan thought this was a horrible idea and voiced the opinion immediately. 

“Ronan…”

“How about: fuck you, bitch. Rot in hell.” 

Without meaning to, Adam let out a loud laugh. The idea was so ridiculous and so unlike anything Adam would ever,  _ could ever _ , say in this house that it was actually hilarious. 

“I’m fucking serious. You don’t owe that woman anything.” Ronan seemed angry but Adam knew he wasn’t. He was tired of Adam acting like his family was his family and he should love them just because they had the same blood. Gansey and Blue and Noah were his family, not these people.  

“ _ That woman _ is my mother. I can’t just… nevermind. I’ll meet you at the car.”

“Adam, she has stood by and watched your father beat the living shit out of you for your entire life. I mean Jesus Christ! You’re fucking deaf in one ear and she told you not to press charges. What could you possibly have to say to her?”

Adam’s mouth twisted into something horrible and Ronan knew that he had gone too far. “Fuck you, Ronan.” His voice was low, quiet. 

Ronan didn’t say anything, just grabbed the box from the ground and walked out of the room, slamming the door.

Adam flinched at the sound. He had only heard his door slam once in his life; when he was nine. He couldn’t even remember what he slammed the door for. He still had the scar on his arm to remind of the repercussions of slamming that dreaded door.

Biting his lip and forcing courage, Adam took one last look around his room and stepped into the main part of the double-wide. His mother hadn’t moved from the spot she was sitting in before. Adam cleared his throat, “Mom?”

She glanced at him but, like always, she didn’t see him. 

Adam stared at her, a pathetic sight he knew he was. Everything he owned in his hands, eyes still puffy from crying.

“Is there something you want me to say?” She finally croaked. 

Adam nodded, his eyes burning with the need to cry.

“If you’re looking for a sympathy, you should know better.” Her words were cold, choked out with resentment and heartache. Adam couldn’t take it and he wanted to scream. 

“You have to know that none of this is my fault.” He said, voice steady and strong. He watched his mom perk up at his defiant tone. No one used that kind of voice in Robert Parrish’s house except Robert Parrish himself. “Dad did this. And you watched it happen. You  _ let _ it happen. 

“I’m deaf in one ear, mom. I’ve been called up to the guidance office at school more times than I can count because they want to put me in the system, away from the both of you. I have tried to make excuses for you for my entire life and I’m done. I’m done trying to love you and I hope I never see you again. I hate you, mom.  _ I fucking hate you _ .” 

Adam felt a hot tear roll down his cheek and did not bother wiping it away. His mother was finally looking at him, seeing him. He felt invincible. 

Without another glance at the woman in front of him, Adam turned on his heel to walk out of the trailer. Ronan was in the doorway, smiling so wide that it made Adam’s heart ache. 

He walked passed him and headed for the BMW. 

And then Ronan Lynch did the most Ronan Lynch thing possible: “FUCK YOU, BITCH! ROT IN HELL!” 

Adam pressed his hands to him mouth to hide his smile. 

  
  



End file.
